Mr. Perfect. I love him. I hate him.

Last week I went on a date with Mr. Perfect. He was charming and confidant but not overly talkative or outgoing. Of all the people I have dated I've never tried the strong quiet type, so of course I was intrigued. Let me just say that I have never seen a more beautiful man in person, in my life. I mean, this guy is movie star good looking. Deep voice, incredible physique, goes to church, and he drives a Prius when he could afford a Mercedes. I was pretty much in love from his stats alone. 

On the first date he took me to Mastro's. Home of the most expensive meal I've ever had in my life (previously). A seafood tower at Mastro's can run you upwards of $150-200. In the moment I felt so fancy and special and I kind of just let myself float away on a cloud. He did all the right things,  ordered for me (hot!) never let my drink get low (thoughtful), ordered the warm butter cake with extra berries and ice cream on the side ( I love foodies!). I was impressed. It's amazing that I can sit across from someone I don't even know and imagine marrying him, having kids with him, vacationing with him, all before I've even had dessert. Wow. This dating thing is going to take some work on my part. I have got to learn how to reign myself in a little, cant go falling in love so easy with someones perfect stats! ( I neglected to mention that the special feeling went out the door when he "checked in" to Mastro's again via Facebook two days later lol. Who can afford to eat Mastro's multiple times a week?)

After perfect date one I thought to myself, there has to be a catch. You cant be a successful thirty year old, ridiculously hot, and still be single. WHAT'S THE CATCH? I didn't have to wait long.

Date two. Oh date two. YOU SUCK DATE TWO! We went to this restaurant in Fashion Island called True Foods. Love that place! Amazing organic food that has so much flavor, and fresh squeezed juice cocktails. So. Good. He looked amazing of course. I could tell he was feeling a little more comfortable, and then it happened. He started talking about himself....and it didn't stop. I realized when I got home that night he had only asked me one question about myself the entire evening...."What was your favorite cartoon as a child?". Riveting. Then the highlight of the night was halfway through dinner he took out his phone to show me a picture he had taken of himself shirtless in the bathroom mirror....you know...just to show me how hard he had been working at the gym. Really? 

Oh Mr. Perfect how sad you make me. I think you may never be able to love somebody quite as much as you love yourself. If I were younger I would probably hold on for a couple more fancy dinners and at least one good make out sesh....but alas I am wiser now and don't care to waste my time. I'm sure you will have no problem finding someone to listen to how great you are.....because you really are that hot. FML.

Bikram is my new boyfriend

Seriously. I love everything about Bikram Yoga. I have never done another exercise that has challenged me more in my life (I literally have a continuous drip of sweat the entire time). It's a 90 minute mental battle of can I hold this pose for ten more seconds, it's so hot I might pass out, stretch harder, deeper, I just can't take it anymore....and then it's over. Bikram literally hands your ass to you on a platter every class. Just when you think you are doing all the poses correctly and your confidence is all I got this, you realize you weren't squeezing the right muscles or engaging your core correctly and your body feels like its going to implode again. You leave every session feeling like you just climbed Kilimanjaro.

Mochi's studying yoga as well....she's got the tree pose on lock.


My only complaint. Yoga people are weird. Fact. Not all, but a startling majority. There are people in my class that will fart unabashedly and not even crack a smile. What?! I'm not talking a little toot....or phrrrrrt.....we are talking like a ten second (wet!) squeaker that you can't even pretend to ignore because it's so freaking audible. Have you ever been dutch ovened in a 105 degree room ( that you aren't allowed to leave?!)...ya that's me over in the corner laughing and raising my hand because I'm the asshole that thinks its funny. Sue me granola's! You fart, I laugh, end of story.

Independent...party of one

Last night I did something that I've never done before. I went to a show all by myself! I mean I straight up bought a ticket online, picked it up at will call, and marched my lil tush into a theatre to watch my friend Aaron sing. He was amazing and I'm so glad I didn't miss it just because I was a little afraid to go by myself. I have grown as a person I tell you.